Questions your wedding officiant should be asking YOU…
Most couples would probably want to know what questions they need to ask the pastor/minister/clergy/chaplain when they meet or speak with them the first time.
I am aware that some clergy may see this as a job and perhaps never even see the couple before the wedding. Perhaps the minister just needs the names of the bride and groom because they perform a basic ceremony with a mini sermon tucked in the middle on marriage.
However, a thoughtful minister will really seek to know the couple and meet them way before they get to the altar. If the couple attends church and their pastor will perform the ceremony, many times the couple is required to go through some sort of premarital counseling which is a great way for the clergy to get to know the couple.
But what if you don’t have a church home? What if you hire a minister by personal referral or from a wedding website the minister advertises on?
You can tell when you meet or speak with the minister what kind of input he/she will have in your life by what questions they ask you!
Any minister worth their salt will ask:
1) How did you 2 meet?
2) What made you fall in love with each other?
3) Tell me about what kind of home you each grew up in ( this should give the minister some insight into what behaviors will compliment each other and what could cause conflict, which is helpful!)
4) What kind of ceremony does the couple want?
5) Is the couple on the same page about having children?
6) Where is the couple spiritually and are they able to respect each others views or come together in this area?
7) Give the couple some basic communication skills and give them a book as a gift on marriage communication.
8) Who is the spender, who is the saver in the area of finances?
9) And for heavens sake a basic talk about the physical relationship! A man needs to know, to the degree he is attentive to her in the kitchen (all other areas of life), is the degree she is attentive to him in the bedroom! These are things their mother may not tell them but a responsible minister should not be afraid ‘to go there’!!!
10) Do you have any ‘fears’ or ‘hesitations’ about getting married? It is better to talk about them openly. Most fears can be squelched when you bring them out in the open. Good communication includes talking about things we would rather not talk about!
11) Finally, the minister should pray with the couple before the wedding and commit to them to pray for them all the way to the wedding day.
A minister should take the couple under their spiritual wing and carry them from the first meeting until they take flight as a married couple at the altar.
Here’s hoping the clergy you choose will make you feel comfortable and secure and offer themselves as a spiritual mentor for the most important time in your life!
August 6, 2013